I did not have the exact name for it, so I just named it "pits-of-sadness".

It happens many times these days that I just get sad all of a sudden, not feeling like doing anything. It happened today.

I was just sitting in my room, working on the first few versions of this website and all of a sudden it hit me, I have nothing going on in my life right now, no one except my family members care about what I am doing or if I am doing good.

My brother says that I should find someone that loves me, which is a valid point, but am I supposed find love? or is it just going to happen? Maybe I just haven't found the love I crave, or I don't let myself fall in love. I don't know, but all I know is I cannot depend on the other person to help me deal with my emotions, they are humans too, not a medium for me to "fix my head".

Another thing that bothers me is that I might fail in what I am doing, I want to own my time, my life, my feelings. I want to be a business owner, whose business is impacting human life for good. I work towards it with all my energy, dedication. I work on it after office hours, even alone but there is no hiding the fact that the progress is very less, I haven't been able to launch that first product of mine.

Therefore the thought hits, what if I don't get what I want? Is it all going to be a waste of life force and time? I know, I shouldn't feed bad thoughts to my mind, but as I said, my mind thinks and I cannot hide the one of the possibilities from it.

Luckily, I was not home alone, I had my brother and we just went out to play some games on a PS5 and I just forgot my problems. Then we went out to have some food, saw some rich people's houses and their lives and finally came back home.

But, I know, I cannot run from the thought, it is a warning for me, to think, that it's not just about me doing things "when I feel like" these are the steps that I need to take with Discipline to do what I ultimately want to do, change lives of as many people I want to.

So, back with the same energy, gotta be that change in the world.